Two Years, Officially

I probably should have saved this post for Valentine’s Day, but February 5 is a lot more meaningful to me. Two years ago today, I officially started dating my wife.

It was a bitterly cold evening in Evanston. I can’t remember if there was snow on the ground, but it was February in Illinois, so I’m going to bet on it. This was the third Tuesday in a row that I was getting together with Theresa and the pressure was mounting.

After meeting her in a swing dance class the previous summer, I had failed to pick up on her subtle clues of being interested (like when she gave me her phone number at the end of the class) and I had also asked one of her friends out on a date (after she invited me to a bar trivia event so she could hang out with me again). After bumbling around for a couple months, we had recently reconnected, gone on an awkward date-but-not-a-date lunch and were now frequently trading flirtatious texts and Facebook messages (my favorite playing field). By this time, I was sure that Theresa was someone I wanted to “officially” date, I just figured that we needed to have an opportunity for the DTR conversation to Define The Relationship. I went in for the romantic kill by inviting her to join me for a three-week series of Charleston swing classes at Northwestern.

At this point I was fairly scared out of my mind. I had very little experience with “official” relationships that moved beyond a couple of dates–especially when the girl was actually interested in me. Around this time, I not-so-coincidentally wrote a blog post lamenting the evolution of courtship and how tricky dating was in this social media age, hoping Theresa would read it and cut me some slack.

On the evening of each swing dance class, we planned to meet up either before or afterward for dinner or dessert. My goal on each of these evenings was to pull the DTR trigger during the meal. The first week we met up for Thai food before the class, and I said nothing. The second week we went to an Irish pub afterward, and I said nothing. The third week we went for hot chocolate afterward, and I said nothing.

As I drove her back to her car parked at my condo, I mentally berated myself for my inaction. Say something! She reached for the door handle and paused, “I don’t want to be forward, but…” I cut her off instantly, “No! Wait! I was about to be forward!” After a few of the most awkward and stuttering minutes of my life, the relationship had been defined. We were dating.

Fast forward two years and it has become the defining relationship of my life. We’re married, we own a home and now we are together facing the biggest, lumpiest challenge I’ve ever had in my life. I spent much of my 20s lamenting the fact that so many of my friends were already dating someone or already married or already had kids. I’m a nice guy. When was it going to happen for me? Now I wake up every day and thank God that He took his time. Theresa was more than worth the wait. We both needed that time to develop into the two people that fit together so beautifully now (and Theresa needed time to graduate from high school). The best part is that the shape continues to evolve as we help mold each other into the people we were created to be.

The divine timing of all this is impeccable. I found my partner just in time to tackle Lumpy, and I can’t overstate how integral she’s been to this fight. Look at this photo. That’s my wife shoveling several inches of snow off of our driveway earlier this week, while her chemo’d up husband watches from the warm living room. That is sacrificial love in action. She goes out for groceries, she makes me food, she changes my bandages, she mixes my disgusting pre-meal mouth wash, she does the laundry, she keeps me hydrated, she picks up prescriptions, she schedules doctor’s appointments, she holds my hand when they draw my blood, she gets everyone I know and NU celebrities to post photos online to comfort me, she empathizes with my frustration or sadness, she bolsters my spirits with joy and courage, she laughs at my jokes, she engages in witty banter, she prays with me and strengthens my faith. The list could go on forever. My wife is a gift from God.

I feel like we’ve already packed a lifetime into our two years together and our five months of marriage (as of tomorrow!). I remember after we had been dating for several months that we would often remark to each other that life almost seemed too easy or too perfect. What did we do to deserve such bliss?! I’m not saying that Lumpy is some sort of divine retribution sent to destroy our happiness. Quite the opposite–It’s a challenge that has already strengthened us as a couple in ways that probably would have otherwise taken years. And it has not blown our bliss in the least. We still wake up in the morning and wonder why we deserve to be so blessed. Now we just have to wonder it a little bit faster so that we’re not late for that morning’s doctor appointment.

Thanks for two years of the best life I could possibly imagine, Reese. I love you so much and there’s no one I would rather have at my side. You make my dreams come true.